Lamapig:
It's been a few days since I last post, to be honest I doesn't know what to post sometimes. I do have a lot things to say but I'm always not good in putting them into words. I'm better in expressing in Mandarin than English to be honest. But I'm not good in reading & writing chinese words lol. I'm hopeless -__-
Another reason is because sometimes I felt I'm the only one posting in this blog, and I doesn't know should I still continue or if he still interested in this blog.
However I went on today, I saw Mr. Orange post this morning. Kind of nice he still remember this blog, I think that's good enough. I'm sorry that he felt that way, and I will always give my support to you, morally & emotionally. Do believe in your work, and I'm sure your book will be great help to lots out there.
Mr. Orange told me about how he felt yesterday, I know how bad he have felt.
I wish there is some surprise in his life soon, instead of going through each & everyday like replaying a same video over & over again. At the point, I wish I am by his side & give him a hug...
In the past, whenever he's upset, naturally I always put my hand on his forehead, where in the beginning he always smirk when I do that but I then whisper to him
"Close your eyes :) .. relax....relax....."
sometimes I will add
"Don't laugh cheeky :P... relax......"
Somehow it makes him smirk more :p
then wait for him to calm down (which I can tell from the feeling through my hand.)
When he's upset, I just want to hug him, not saying much but to just let him know, I'm sorry you feel that way, I know it's not easy but let me be with you, and go through slowly..
Feelings you hate
As I know there's wasn't much to be done as he's all by himself and doing the same thing he doesn't like all these years, without anyone to truly talk to or make a tiny differences in his life. And also know how the things that was said to him in the past still hunts him & naturally become sensitive towards what is said to him so I doesn't want him to felt threatened, intimated or any other misunderstand feelings. At this point I only want him to feel my warmth next to him, how much he meant to me.
Truly all this time, I just wish to be by his side, just to make a presence of differences in his life.
I would hate leading my life whole day, at work and even after work..
Just like, setting the alarm on my bedside table for next morning, going to work. At that moment after I've set my alarm, I lay down on my bed and start thinking.. "Sigh another day at work tomorrow" and start counting down the days for my next off day. Wasn't because I doesn't like my job, was because of you get so familiar with the environment, energy, vibes, exactly what you going to do and every single face there. Worse still, when you have the exact same breakfast too! All been set, after years of doing the same thing is when you feel meaningless. You wanted a change.
Writing a Book?
I told Orange maybe he can use his time to write his book whenever he could.
In the beginning he start off thinking negative, e.g Don't think anyone will like it or you got to able to solve your own problems before writing a book like that. I then suggest to Orange, start off writing a section everyday when you have spare time, try to get a head start first, and slowly keep this as a habit..
Once it's became a habit of writing everyday, if that is something you enjoyed doing, some time later your determination, confidences & sense of achievement will all sets in
Is when you able to have faith and feel better doing it in the first place as you feel the achievement & confidences is something powerful that keep you going and you will know you do the right thing or not.
Supporting each other
With something to keep your focus on, you had a goal and all the feelings of being useless and guilt will slowly disappear..
Just like in the beginning, I always tell Mr Orange to have faith in our relationship and us. Forget things that others said about relationship & has just "special" one of our own.
I always prefer unique than popularity. I doesn't like to follow the wind, in-fact I prefer to do it differently.
Just want both of us to be happy in our own way, no matter what other people say or think we should do.
And I'm glad with what we got, of course we still have our rough patches when things didn't goes well for both of us. Which is completely normally for a couple and especially when our only communication is the few hours on text or Skype, but we know how each other feels and know how to protect each other feelings.
Specially for Mr. Orange-
Most importantly we always still there for each other. And I get to see your smile and hear your laughter more & more.
-I love him bullying me, because it makes both of us smile.
-My stupid self which in other eyes display like a dumb woman but to him I'm special
-Just being by your side I'm happy, no matter if you watching silly football or other silly thing :P
-Just like everything he had, good or bad, to me is I love you for just that because that is who you are.
Valentines Day is coming soon, I love you Mr. Grey. Thank you for being there for me
Love, Lamapig
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