Lamapig:
It's Sunday today, my only day off in the week. I went to bed late last night, feeling exhausted but I can't sleep. I browse my blog on my phone, saw the post done by Mr. Grey.
It was edited and removed, I didn't realized at the time.. I just glad he took the first step, even though he did remove it in the end.. It's still a first step. That is why I have this title for this post.
Journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
This morning, when i opened my eyes... I looked at my phone (well I did that every morning) , saw Mr. Grey message saying how he decide to edit as he think he is saying too much. As I just woke up so I replied that he should just leave it as it was and shouldn't worry about what others think.
I put down my phone, I start thinking...
Did i say it right? Maybe I shouldn't say this way... This is one of the question I been asking myself very often after I sent a message to Mr. Grey.
There is a lot of things that cannot be said, but so many things I wish to say... But I am always weak in expressing myself and this is why diary and blog comes in handy.
A unhappy man who been living on his own for years..
He doesn't like changes,He know he wasn't happy,
Up till now, no one understand, no one know..
How unhappy he is..
To live this life, he doesn't know how...
He doesn't know what his problem was..
But he didn't realize, the torture he do to himself everyday..
Because his past is real, everyone has bad past..
but he choose to tear it open everyday
Just to see what it going to do to him today.
Used to be alone
Nothing has change in the last 10 years.
He know where to turn, where to go everyday.
He doesn't like the feeling of not knowing where to go, or to turn.
I will end up in a place I have never been and Its going to be bad, he thinks.
But why he still feel so lost everyday?
One day, he was given a pet dog..
He hate this idea completely.
Sudden felt of invasion in his mind that nobody care to step into
He start thinking, he couldn't take care of him,
The dog might going to be annoying as what he saw on the TV
No I don't need that, he thinks
I will get rid of this dog when I have the time.
He can't helped himself and said to the dog...
Don't expect me to take you for a walk or take care of you ok?
I can't even take care of myself so if you think I'm going to be like your previous owner...
You are wrong.
Dog look at him, and walked off....
The same usual day for him,
He woke up and went to work,
without realizing any differences than before
He has completely forgot about the dog...
When he get home from work.......
Unfamiliar barking when he gets home,
The man hits his own forehead with his right hand, as he remember he has a dog now.
And doesn't goes down well for him...
The dog whack his tail
Really excited to see his new owner.
The man ignored him, and whisper to himself..
No, I need time for myself. I will ignore it for now..
Few hours later..
The man sat alone on sofa, at his corner he realize an unfamiliar figure sleeping near the fireplace.
He asked himself, is he sleeping?
Maybe I should get him something to eat...
He got up and get a dog bowl,
Well he doesn't have any, as he suppose to be alone..
Guess I will have to use this bowl for him then...
He doesn't know what the dog likes to eat,
What do dog eat anyway? He asked himself
Bone? I seen them on the show all the time.
All he had is microwave food...
So he decided to went to shops to get proper dog food..
Driving on the road, he gets annoyed..
See? Now I have to do this extra work because of you (the dog)
I don't need that...But oh well, he got to eat something...
Aisle full of all kinds of dog food,
He doesn't know what to get for him,
While looking through the selection..
.He asked himself, "Will he like this? I don't think he will. Maybe that? "
The same annoying feelings stir in him again..
So he pick the one, that he think all dogs will like.
Dog start barking once he drive into the front porch..
He opened the door, the dog got so excited in seeing him that he put his paws on the man's knee..
The man felt annoyed...and push him to aside.
He thinks the dog get excited as he went specially to get food for him..
The dog sat by the door..
Sad after being push,
But he is glad, owner came home..
As when he open his eyes, the owner is gone..
The man put the bowl of food next to the dog
Dog was happy and start eating...
Dog wasn't sad anymore, as he think owner did care
After the man take dog for a walk
Man doesn't really want to..
But both had fun towards the end of the day
Got back home, both felt asleep on the couch
The dog had its head on the man's lap.
And the man has his hand on the dog's body
The man woke up in the middle of the night
The dog still asleep...
He start thinking... how strange it felt, the house wasn't that big and quiet as it seen..
Still uncomfortable having a dog... but wasn't as bad as he think..
But he is annoyed now...and shouting in his mind...
"Ah, I really need to go toilet"
He can't move or do anything as he afraid he might wake the dog.
The man and dog been living under same roof for a week now,
One day, man start thinking he shouldn't get a dog
Last night he is sitting in the garden, relaxing with his nice glass of wine before bed
It's cold, and peaceful for a glass of wine.
The dog in the garden playing with his ball
Man got annoyed as it's not as peaceful as it used to it
He ignore the dog, went upstairs and go to bed...
In my state any burden to his life.
He start to recall all the times when he feel annoyed because of this dog..
Dog expect me to take him for a walk, expect me to accompany him or stroke him.
Strangely the dog took some part of his daily routine.
He doesn't wake up thinking of work anymore.
Right now every morning, he opened his eyes, he do under his bed to see if the dog is there..
Immediately, he know the dog has intrude his life...
And he decided..
I shall give the dog to my friend today..
He drive into his front porch after work, like every other day..
He turned off his engine, and wait........
Why there isn't any barking?
Maybe the dog get bored of barking now...
He went in his front door..and wait....
But no, the dog didn't run up to him
Whacking his tail and the excited look of his amusing face.
He looked around the house, there isn't any sign of the dog..
Immediately he got annoyed
The dog must have left him, as dog might prefer some other owner
That's what every animal does...
But he is wrong again, as this dog he had is different...
He went to his garden, to enjoy the quietness that he used to..
Strange I should be enjoying it, why I keep thinking of the dog?
He then saw a familiar figure laying in the middle of the garden.
He ran to the unknown figure...
The dog laying there, unconscious...
The owner went to bed last night
He forgot about the dog in the garden
and lock the door...
The only entrance/exit of the garden
The owner panicked, carefully picked him up.
Rush off to the vet, his coffee is still on the desk.
He wasn't changed, he rush out once he got home from work.
He always hate being disturbed when he just got home...
But this time, he wasn't annoyed..
He's mad ....
Why the dog doesn't bark to wake me up?
Why can't the dog make a rampage..
Is it because the dog knows how unhappy I will get when he bark?
And he wasn't annoyed..
Only thing he had in his mind, is
Please stay with me...
By Lamapig
Others
I wasn't good in words or expressing myself, so I make it into a story above..
Lamapig just want to say to Mr. Grey
Dog can't speak, but still always there for him
I can speak but can only be heard if you believe me
Being told will never being love and no future by you from the beginning of our relationship, is a hurt that can never be describe..
Even so I have stick on in the believe to stay by your side...
To prove to you, someone who truly care for you, will not give you a fish when you are hungry but teach you how to fish so you can go on with rest of your life...
Assumption can be hurting, not to everyone but to the person who really care for you, it hurts when you don't tell me and assume what I did for whatever reason..
I wish I can prove to Mr Grey,
how big a changes can be with someone else making a differences in your life than alone.
I hold on, is because I believe you can't change your past but you can decide how your life to end..
But you have to be like a sticky note that stuck on and believe till the end
If you like a new job, I will be there supporting you helping you...
So you won't be scared or worried..
Worries is like a rocking chair.. It gave you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere.
It make you feel like you are moving but you aren't.
Have some faith in yourself and don't worry, let it fate and do what you want to do..
However if the ending of us still be like the owner still have thoughts to abandon the dog..
I still believe one day you will realize the differences when somebody is there...
I'm not going to write the ending for that story...
There are three classes of people,
Those who see
Those who see when they are shown
Those who do not see..
Brilliant words by Leonardo Da Vinci.
I know you will have a bad day at work, I hope my message will cheer you up a little..
Lamapig always love Mr Grey, even I can't bark or whack my tails. I'm sure you will know I exist "flap flap"
Big kisses and hugs to my Mr. Grey and Happy birthday EVE
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